


On Being a Trans Girl Previously Pretending to be a Boy on a Trip in Space That You Didn’t Have Time to Pack For

by nerdiekatie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Coran (Voltron) - Freeform, Episode: s01e08 Rebirth Coda, Gen, Hunk (Voltron) - Freeform, Menstruation, Mild Gore, Trans Female Pidge | Katie Holt, Trans Girl Pidge, Trans Pidge | Katie Holt, also feat., dead body mention, keith (voltron) - Freeform, lance (voltron) - Freeform, menstruation talk, the dead body is mild gore i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 17:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7723933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdiekatie/pseuds/nerdiekatie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pidge is a trans girl, who was previously pretending to be a boy, on a trip in space that she didn't have time to pack for. </p>
<p>"Pidge takes off the binder and breathes, long and deep. She wants to set the thing on fire."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Story

**Author's Note:**

> Coda to Episode 8: Rebirth (The One on Balmera, with a Big Mega Bot)

Pidge takes off the binder and breathes, long and deep. She wants to set the thing on fire. She maneuvers one of her loose shirts on, taking care to move as little as possible. When she’s done, she gently tips herself sideways on her bed.

Pidge wraps one hand around her ribs and uses the other to fiddle with an Altean tablet. It’s fascinating, and it distracts her from the pull at her side.

It’s not fair, Pidge thinks as she looks at the screen through smushed glasses digging into the side of her nose and face. Not fair that her family has gone missing, and especially not fair that Pidge had to pretend to be a boy to find them. Not fair that people believed she was a boy. That hurt, worse than her ribs.

Suddenly, she misses Rover. She feels like the bot would be hovering over her right now. Rover was sweet like that. Pidge had liked the bot better than any organic pets the Holts had ever had, and the bot was gone.

Her door chimes, like in Star Trek. Pidge has found a lot of things in space are like in Star Trek. Most aren’t, but the little bits of familiarity are comforting.

Pidge hears a voice call through the door. “It’s Shiro. Can I come in?”

“Come in!” Pidge yells, sitting up with one hand and straightening her glasses with the other. She dutifully ignores the slight wheeze at the back of her throat.

Shiro strides easily through the door into her room. “I’m just checking to make sure everyone’s okay. We all got thrown around out there, and-“ Shiro pauses. “You don’t look so good.”

Pidge knows. She feels the color leech from her face the longer she sits up, but she hadn’t thought it was obvious.

“Yeah,” she says. “I’ve been-“ she waves a hand vaguely at the binder on her floor.

“You’ve been-“ Shiro catches what she’s pointing to, and she sees his eyebrows scrunch in and his mouth tightens in a minuscule increment. “This whole time?”

Pidge nods. “Since the Garrison.”

“During firefights?” Shiro asks.

“Yeah,” Pidge says defensively. She straightens up and squares her shoulders as much as she can, hiding her wince as her ribs pull. She doesn’t care if Shiro is angry with her. “Yes, and I won’t be lectured for it. I did what I had to find my family.”

She plans to tell him how she doesn’t regret being misgendered for a year, or being hurt because there was never any opportunity to take off the binder without exposing herself, and the result is that she’s wearing a compression garment while taking heavy hits. She takes a big breath to keep going, but it’s a mistake. There’s a flash of pain across her side and black spots in her eyes. When she can see again, Shiro is on a knee at her side, bracing her.

“You’re hurt. What do you say to going down to medical to see what we can do?” he asks. “Princess Allura is resting, but Coran should be able to help.”

Pidge blinks, surprised. He’s _not_ angry. There’s not even a lecture, just a simple question and statement. He’s concerned, but he’s leaving the choice to go to medical up to her. He’s being pragmatic and respectful. She shouldn’t be surprised, because it’s _Shiro_ , not someone who would mother hen her into doing what they thought was best, but Shiro surprises her sometimes. Like when she kind of-sort of thought he totally stabbed her brother in a bloodthirsty rage, but actually he was just preventing her brother from being slaughtered. The bubble of tension in Pidge deflates with the realization that she doesn’t have to fight with Shiro.

“Medical seems like the best course of action,” Pidge says wryly. She is unsuccessful in standing up normally, even with Shiro’s help, but she also isn’t trying to hide the fact that she’s hurt anymore. Pidge begins a slow shuffle, trying not to jar her ribs on each step. Shiro rests a hand lightly on her shoulder to help steady her.

“And you’re okay with Coran helping? Coran knows the med bay better than any of us, but if you’re not comfortable, I’m sure we can work something out.”

“Coran never thought I was a boy,” Pidge mutters, and Shiro takes that to mean the matter is resolved.

“You’re hurt, but you’re going to be okay, P-Katie,” he says as they hobble down the hall. As Pidge hobbles down the hall.

“I like Pidge,” she says.

“Are you sure?” asks Shiro. Shiro matches her slow pace, but his stride is even and unaffected, unlike Pidge’s own.

“Yeah!” she says. “I’ve never had a nickname!” In any case, she’s honestly started to prefer Pidge to Katie. She’d have never picked Pidge if she weren’t trying to hide, but she really feels like it fits her.

Shiro smiles. “Okay, then. We’ve still got to get you to the medical wing,” he smiles, “Pidge.”

  
Pidge smiles back.  
\---

In the med bay, Coran _tsks_ as he looks at the results of Pidge’s scan. Shiro is across the room rummaging in drawers. “It looks like your ribs are fractured, but with the osteoregenerators still down, there’s not much we can do about that, I’m afraid.” He pauses. “Unless you want to get in the healing tube after all?” Pidge shakes her head.

“Thought not,” Coran continues. “It’s just as well, those are really a last resort kind of thing. You understand. They’re very disorienting, and your mouth tastes like hobnocks for a whole movement.”

“That’s what Lance said, but he said it was rotten watermelon,” Pidge comments.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it? Well, if you’re not using the tube, you’ll just have to heal the old-fashioned way. On Altea, that would have involved a great deal of lionberry paste, but Shiro assures me- “

“That you’ll be just fine with cold packs and rest, Pidge,” Shiro interrupts, having found the drawer with the cold packs. He activates one as he crosses the room and hands it to Pidge. “I’m just grateful it’s not worse.”

“You and me both,” Pidge quips as she settles the cold pack against her left side.

“Is there anything else you need?” Coran asks.

“No, I’m fine,” Pidge says, ungracefully sliding down from the table in deference to her ribs. “Actually,” she turns up to Shiro as she has an uncomfortable thought. “I got an implant before I entered the Garrison. I won’t have any problems, unless this mission lasts longer than two years. But if it does, which, is entirely possible, because we’re trying to take down an empire that has spread over ten thousand years, and we’re light-years from Earth. What if two years are up and I’m nowhere close to a supply of human hormones? How far do long distance prescriptions go? Do I get insurance coverage in space?”

Shiro understands her nervous rambling. He looks down at her and says reassuringly, “We’ll deal with it when the time comes.”

Pidge believes him.

Shiro waves a hand. “Come on. Let’s get you back to your room for some rest. There are some breathing exercises I want to show you. They should help the healing process,” he says as they make slow progress back up the hallway.  
\---

Later in the evening, Pidge is happy with Shiro’s rest and cold packs cure. She’s particularly grateful that she doesn’t have to find out if she was supposed to eat or wear Coran’s lionberry paste alternative. Pidge isn’t entirely without pain, but the ice packs have helped enough that she can make her way to the kitchen for something warm to drink.

She turns the corner to find Princess Allura, wearing a dressing gown, already in the kitchen.

“Allura? What are you doing up?” Pidge asks.

“Ah,” says Allura from her place at the kitchen table. “I know I should be in bed, but the exhaustion from the ritual has made the pain from my cycle worse. I needed some tea to help.”

Pidge nods her understanding as she bumbles around the kitchen trying to find a mug of her own.

Allura speaks again. “But shouldn’t you be in bed as well, Pidge? I heard from Coran that your ribs were hurt.”

“Eh, I’m fine. Shiro said that walking around a little should help anyway.”

Pidge grabs the ingredients that Hunk has found to be closest to space hot chocolate. She dumps them in her mug and joins Allura at the table.

“Pardon my asking, but do humans have a cycle? I have extra supplies, if you need them. Forgive me for not offering sooner.” Allura is smiling gently, in spite of the deep circles under her eyes.

“You need to define ‘cycle, ‘ “ Pidge says, taking a sip of her drink. “We’re not exactly the same species.”

“Of course,” says Allura. “Adult Alteans, usually female, have a-“ Allura continues her explanation of Altean biology with the grace of a tenured professor. Pidge, on the other hand, is struggling to keep from blushing. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate Allura’s thorough, technical lecture, but, strictly speaking, Pidge tends to favor the inorganic over the organic.

“So?” Allura prompts Pidge as she ends her lecture. “Do humans experience something similar?”

Pidge abruptly loses her valiant struggle. Her traitorous cheeks flood pink, but she keeps her voice steady as she answers. “Most human women do have a cycle, and some men, and some non-binary people, but I… um… don’t.”

“Ah.” Allura drinks deeply from her tea. “Well, then, I suppose that’s good. If I needn’t share, I’m not likely to run out of supplies for quite some time. Unless, I need to extend my offer to your fellow paladins?”

Pidge considers. She knows better than to assume. And, Lance seems like the kind of guy who, if he doesn’t need the supplies, would freak out at the mention of _girl stuff_. That would be at least five minutes of entertainment, Pidge thinks.

Out loud, Pidge says, “Couldn’t hurt.”  
\--  
Pidge slowly makes her way back to her room. After an hour of small talk with the princess, her ribs are starting to ache again. It was nice, Pidge reflects, to talk to another girl. The guys are great, even Keith- who wasn’t a spectacular conversationalist but could always be counted on for a dry takedown of Lance’s ego- but taking down an evil empire with only six guys to hang out with would wear on her after a while. Besides, Pidge has developed a deep respect for Allura, who is easily the most knowledgeable person on the ship and an extremely competent leader.

Pidge slips through the door into her room. She takes a moment to appreciate that she’s already in pajamas. It would suck to lift her hands over her head right now. She beelines for her bed, swiping a cold pack from her neatly piled stash. She settles into bed, nestling the activated cold pack between her side and the wall, and begins to run through a breathing exercise Shiro taught her. Apparently, he’s memorized a few after his fair share of busted ribs.

Pidge knows that she says what she thinks, and she doesn’t regret that, but she has been feeling a little guilty. Allura has assured Pidge tonight that she didn’t begrudge Pidge’s comment at the rough beginning of Voltron, but Pidge thinks she dug too close to the death of Allura’s people, especially since Allura was just trying to unite the team (Even if she meant it when she said the Allura was no princess of hers. Pidge has an independent streak. She doesn’t regret that either).

Tonight, Allura, downright approachable in a dressing gown at the kitchen table, a far cry from her usual gown or battle suit and imposing presence on the bridge, has actually mad Pidge miss her mother. Allura and her mother were far more dissimilar than they were similar- like Star Trek and space- but Pidge thought that they had the same sense of determination, like someone slowly and steadily walking upstream in chest deep water. Or, Pidge thinks, that maybe Allura and her mother aren’t alike at all. Maybe tonight has only reminded Pidge of the late night drinking ritual she shared with her mother. Pidge would grab a midnight coffee to keep working on her pet projects, her mother would have hot chocolate to go back to sleep, and they would just talk at the kitchen table.

She remembers when she told her mother that she was going to join the Garrison to find her father and brother. Her mother had hugged her and said,

“You’re old enough to make your own decisions. Just stay safe, Katie.”

Pidge falls asleep to thought that no one at the Garrison would know to tell Mrs. Holt that Pidge Gunderson was missing.  
\--  
Pidge is sitting next to her lion the next morning when Keith appears in her hangar. He stands awkwardly over her for a few seconds, holding a small box against his hip.

“We heard you were hurt. So,“ says Keith, ever a man of few words, and hands over the box. Pidge takes it, moving the top flaps out of the way to look inside.

“Rover!” Pidge exclaims. The little bot is in pieces, but when Pidge carefully shifts debris with her index finger, she sees the CPU and memory card intact.

“We found it, at the bottom of the shaft,” says Keith, choosing not to disclose that they found Rover when he and Lance had drawn the short straw and consequently been sent to clean up the dead Galra there, or that Rover’s pieces had been lying in pieces of the Galra, or that Hunk had nearly thrown up when they asked him to clean the bot bits because Lance and Keith didn’t know how to remove the blood without damaging the delicate circuitry. (“It’s for Pidge,” Hunk had muttered, snapping on a pair of gloves and getting to work.) “We thought you might be able to fix it.”

Ignoring her ribs, Pidge catapults herself from the ground, throwing her arms around Keith’s middle.

“Thank you!” she blurts out. She releases him just as quickly. Keith watches, bemused, as she races into her lion’s mouth, eager to stash Rover in a secure place and start working on the bot. It might take her a few weeks, but she’ll get her friend back, she knows it. Thanks to her other friends.

Her cheeks hurt from smiling. It’s a good problem to have.


	2. Bonus Scene (Feat. Keith, Hunk, and Lance's Melodrama)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Scene

“See,” said Lance, “on the one hand, I kind of feel guilty, because I thought she was a boy.”

“And because she’s clearly upset about that?” interjected Hunk.

“Yeah, that too,” said Lance, waving Hunk off impatiently.

“But see, on the other hand,” Lance continued, “I don’t feel guilty about it because she didn’t want us to know she was a girl. So, really, I was doing the right thing.”

“I’m not sure-“ started Keith. Lance waved him off, too.

“But on the _other_ other hand,” Lance waved his hands emphatically, “she got hurt because she felt like she had to hide! So now, I do really feel guilty!” He threw himself back against the couch and lay there limply. “Ugh,” he groaned to the ceiling. “What do I do?”

“Okay,” said Hunk, feeling unreasonably like Shiro should be here and bemoaning having the highest emotional intelligence in the room, “setting aside the fact that this is about how Pidge feels…”

“Yeah, setting that aside,” interrupted Lance. Hunk looked dourly at him.

Frustrated, Hunk said, “Stop interrupting me.”

“Get her a gift?” suggested Keith hesitantly. The three paladins looked at each other. Lance, in particular, looked like he had received divine revelation.

“Get her a gift!” he shouted, springing to attention in his seat. He shrank back down a little. “But what can we get her? We’re on a spaceship. In space!” Lance gestured wildly, as though to encompass all of space.

“Don’t we have that-?“ asked Keith.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” said Hunk.

“Is it done?” asked Lance.

“I can get it done tonight,” said Hunk without enthusiasm.

“And bring it to her tomorrow!” crowed Lance. “Good man, Hunk,” he said, standing. “I’m glad we got this all sorted out! Now, if you’ll excuse me-“ he made to stroll out of the common room, but Hunk pulled him back down to the couch.

“No way,” said Hunk. “Look, I’ll get it done, but after that, I’m not touching it, and there’s nothing in the entire universe that could make me.” He looked at Lance and Keith. “One of you will have to do bring it to her.”

“Uh, no,” said Lance, “I helped get that thing in the first place. It was disgusting. I had nightmares. I’m not doing it.” Hunk and Lance looked at Keith.

Keith shrugged.


End file.
